chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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