you have to choose: penises or morals?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
