i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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