I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
