All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
