Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
