Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
