Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
