I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize