She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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