My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
