bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
