we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
