he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You pole danced in your parka.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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