it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
