Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
