I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
