He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
