I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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