i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
