haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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