Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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