Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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