I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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