Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
