well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
