do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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