Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
