i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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