u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize