So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
