we have pet lesbian snakes
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
