Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
