Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
