I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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