I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
