Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just want nice things and good sex
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
