also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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