My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
