Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
