He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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