it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
