apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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