How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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