from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize