So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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