I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
