I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
