I think my vagina is haunted
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
