It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
