After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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