Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize