Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
