I just made out with a guy for $7.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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