i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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