Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
