haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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