You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
