I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
