I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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