she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
