honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
