what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize