Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
