i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
