you would pick up someone in the library
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
