We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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