We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
