no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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