Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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