my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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