oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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