Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
