You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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