I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
