Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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