I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
