Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
