Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize