She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
