So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize