I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
