dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
