Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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