Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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