The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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