Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
