I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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