How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
