i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize