Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
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