So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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